Children Learn What They Live by Rachel Harris L.C.S.W. Ph.D. & Rachel Harris

Author:Rachel Harris L.C.S.W., Ph.D. & Rachel Harris
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Workman Publishing Company
Published: 1998-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

Teaching Values Through Praise

When we praise our children for some things more than others, we are teaching them what is important to us. Unfortunately, in our consumer society, kids are barraged with the message that personal worth and value are determined by the amount and type of material possessions we own. It’s important to find ways to balance the consumer-oriented values to which our children are constantly exposed with our own, less materialistic, values. We can start by letting our children know we love them first and foremost for being who they are.

We can work at actively countering the sometimes subtle, sometimes flagrant, messages our children are exposed to daily. Starting at an early age, we can help them notice the fact that they are surrounded by advertising and other cultural messages that are designed to make them think they need all kinds of things they don’t. We can point out that although these messages imply that possessions can bring happiness, friendship, and love, they really can’t. Teaching them a healthy skepticism toward advertising and how to tell the difference between wanting and needing something will help them become wiser consumers as well as happier, more well-balanced human beings.

When we show our children that we appreciate them for who they are, we are also teaching them how to make sound judgments about the people they encounter in their lives. When a new boy, Timothy, entered Jake’s fifth-grade classroom, he made quite an impression on all the kids. He had lived abroad with his family, spoke several languages, and was a very good athlete. Word quickly spread that he had a big house with all the newest video games, a giant-screen TV, and a pool table. All the boys wanted to play with him at his house.

However, when Jake was invited, he found that Timothy was domineering, difficult, and sometimes just plain mean. After his father picked him up from Timothy’s house, Jake sat silently on the ride home.

“What did you two do all afternoon? Did you have fun?” his dad asked.

Jake began to describe their activities, and then started complaining about how Timothy always had to have his way, needed to win every game, and didn’t play fair.

Jake’s dad listened attentively for a while. When there was a pause, he asked, “So what did you think about the way Tim acted?”

“I didn’t like it,” Jake said emphatically.

“Hmm. What didn’t you like?” Dad asked.

“He can have a house full of great stuff but I still don’t want to play with him!” Jake burst out.

Jake’s father let his son’s words sink in, then said, “I’m proud of you, Jake, for knowing that it’s the person, not how many nice things they have, that’s important.”

Dad is supporting Jake’s decision to evaluate the person rather than his possessions. Simple conversations like these, squeezed into odd moments of our busy days, provide opportunities to affirm the positive values our children are developing and make sense of our own values to them, showing them how these values can be translated into the situations presented by everyday living.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.